The I’ve been away from home during several Thanksgivings throughout my adult life. It started after the attacks of 9/11, when I was deployed to the Blue Grass Army Depot. I spent Thanksgiving 2001 and 2002 in eating turkey with some fine Soldiers. In 2002, I was lucky enough to have my new wife with me. 2005 found me again with my troops in Iraq. Finally, in 2011 I served chow to Soldiers in Kuwait after moving from Iraq.
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This year I’m not spending Thanksgiving in uniform, but in sweats, an eye patch, and hooked up to an IV pole. I was blessed enough to spend it with Christi, eat some turkey, and even watch a little football. I haven’t felt too bad thankfully, but I feel like I’m going to cough up a lung about once an hour.
Double Trouble
I began to develop a cough on Monday and was even more short of breath than previously. It got worse on Tuesday. I had an appointment with my ophthalmologist on Wednesday and a lab draw. I also asked for a chest x-ray and CT scan. The eye doctor told me that the scratch was healed over, but that the cornea still needed to heal more. Overall, good news.
A couple hours after getting home I got the dreaded call from UK: “Mr. Cole, the CT scan results came back and you have a fungal infection in your lungs. You need to go into the ER as soon as possible.” Awesome. This was a familiar feeling. I packed, secured a ride from my good friend Ben, kissed my girls, and headed out.
The CT scan suggested I have an Aspergillus infection. It’s a common mold spore to which most people are exposed daily. It doesn’t usually bother healthy people, but to those of us with compromised immune systems it can cause loads of trouble. I began IV medication for this Wednesday night.
Because I’m an overachiever, I also tested positive for RSV (respiratory syncytial virus). This bug is no stranger to parents, as it usually infects small kids…and those with weak immune systems. So, as you can imagine, I won’t by seeing my girls for a while.
To make matters more interesting, the treatment I started for RSV is called ribavirin, and it’s administered through a mask hooked up to a machine that aerosolyzes the medicine. I have to wear this uncomfortable contraption 18 hours per day for 5-7 days. It’s also dangerous to women who breastfeed and those who wear contacts, so Christi has had to take extra precautions and I’ve removed the bandage contact covering my corneal abrasion, leaving my eye very painful and sensitive again. At least I have an eye patch now and can annoy my nurses with an occasional “Argh, matey!”
Despite the initial diagnosis of Aspergillis, none of the cultures have returned a positive results for the fungus. So, I’ll have another bronchoscopy tomorrow. This is where they look deep in your lungs with a camera and take tissue samples. I’ll be sedated, so I can eat or drink nothing, after midnight, even water, not a reasonable demand of someone who has severe dry mouth from GVHD. The doc and I nearly had words over this last time. Thankfully, I’m allowed a few ice chips this time.
What To Make of It All
I’m not sure how I feel about all this yet. We were all upset on Wednesday night, but since then I’ve been a little numb emotionally. Sure I’ve had my moments, mostly when Christi and I have been together. I’ve slept a lot, had a few visitors, watched some football, moved rooms three times, and have seen a platoon of doctors.
I’m not asking “why again, Lord?” despite the fact that I’ve dealt with one complication after another since the transplant. I’m not mad at Him; maybe I am at the devil. I’m not losing hope, but I’m not feeling more of it either. I’m sure I’ll learn something from all this and someone will benefit from it, but I’m not trying to figure that out yet. Mostly, I’m just trying to get through tonight, the next day of medicine, the next procedure, and eventually make it home again.
Despite all of this, I am still very thankful. I only have to think of my wife and children to remember that. And I know even when I don’t feel much, He is with me. He is my refuge, and I trust Him.
This I declare about the Lord:He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
He is my God, and I trust him. (Psalm 91:2 NLT)
God bless you! Praying, always!