I started off the week with a visit to the Emergency Room in Berea. My headaches have eased a little, but I had some new symptoms that concerned my doctor. So, about dinnertime on Sunday evening she told me to immediately to the ER and get evaluated. That was a little disconcerting, especially since I could sense the concern in her emails.
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| By Thierry Geoffroy (Thierry Geoffroy) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons |
Over the next six hours, I had blood tests, a chest x-ray, and yet another lumbar puncture to see if I have a reoccurrence of leukemia in my central nervous system or something else, like meningitis. A shot of morphine made the lumbar puncture substantially more tolerable. All the digging around my spine to find the right spot wasn’t too bad, but I still wouldn’t do it for fun.
I was blessed to have my in-laws close by to take me and stay around to make sure I was okay. My pastor even came straight over and later returned after midnight to take me home. Yet another friend came over to stay with the girls so that Christi could come and visit. I wasn’t alone until late in the night, but by then I was ready to surrender to the morphine and went straight to sleep.
I was a little perturbed with the doctor when he came in about midnight to tell me that all the initial tests were negative. Thank God, but the doctor interrupted some very good sleep. Still, I was home by 12:30 am. I’ve been doing a little better each day since.
This kind of thing is getting old. Just when we think we’ve turned a corner, the next pothole suddenly emerges in the road to recovery. Yes, we still believe that God will heal me, but some days it seems like we’ll never get there.
I started watching The Bible miniseries on Netflix before we left Houston. I’ve really enjoyed it and feel as if it has helped me better understand parts of His Word. I just finished the last episode, which is from Acts.
I’ve never thought much about Ananias of Damascus before. He is mentioned only in Acts, along with two other men named Ananias. It must have been a popular baby name back then. The Ananias to whom I am referring was visited by Jesus. The Lord told Ananias to go to Saul of Tarsus, lay hands on him, and heal him (Acts 9).
But the Lord said to Ananias, “Go! This man is my chosen instrument to proclaim my name to the Gentiles and their kings and to the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name.” (Acts 9:15,16 NIV)
This was a time of persecution for the early Christians. It was dangerous to speak of Jesus. Paul had a reputation of being brutal toward believers. Ananias was surely scared. We don’t know exactly how the scene unfolded, but in the miniseries it was quite poignant. Jesus touched Ananias’ face and gently kissed his head, his voice tender and reassuring. Ananias was overcome with emotion from the awe of being in Jesus presence and, I imagine, being chosen to be part of His Plan.
Now, I am not suggesting that I am playing a role in something as profound as converting the author of most of the New Testament, but I—and you—are part of God’s plan. This emergency room visit, or previous hospital stays, or relapses, or even a headache, can be used for His Glory. Knowing that I am part of His plan, that He is doing a good work through me, doesn’t make the pain go away, but it does help me get through it. It’s very humbling and encouraging. It can make the suffering worth it.
Jesus spoke. Ananias went. The world was changed. I pray that I am as obedient.
Amen to that! Today I took my dog out into the woods to run free and I sat on a large rock in silence. That familiar voice in my heart asked, “if Paul was alive today what would he write in the book of Americans?” I love reading your blogs sir! Some good stuff here.
Thanks, Derek. That’s a very insightful question. Very relevant to our current times. I might think about that one a bit myself.