“Why Me?” Revisited

Emmy is only five years old and already she’s learning that life isn’t fair. It’s a hard lesson to learn and even many adults never get it. In her case, it’s serious business. I mean, why does Abrie get to watch Bubble Guppies and Emmy can’t watch My Little Pony? Why does Abrie get away with pulling her hair, but we scold Emmy for being too rough with her baby sister. She laments the injustice of the conspiracy that her mom and I have against her and proclaims the unfairness of life.

The truth is the sooner she learns that life is, in fact, unfair, the sooner she will be able to let go of the unreasonable expectation that it should be. We don’t always get what we think we deserve. Bad things happen to good people and vice versa. Sometimes justice is served, and sometimes it isn’t.

Image courtesy of Benoît Stella alias BenduKiwi, http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Ben_question_symbol.svg#file

Is it fair that I got leukemia and someone else didn’t? Why me, and not someone else? Did I deserve it? I addressed this question in one of my very first blog posts (click here to read). But, on this side of the transplant and with everything going mostly well, I think of it from a different perspective: Why is God healing me and not others?

A Year Later

Today is the one-year anniversary of my diagnosis and first hospital admittance. I’ve met many people along the way who are also suffering from cancer. Some are doing well and have even been cured. Others, sadly, have not. Still a few have since passed, including my Uncle JR, who went to be with the Lord last week. 

Despite testing positive for FLT3 (the genetic mutation that caused my leukemia), for which I started three days of low-dose chemotherapy yesterday, I am in remission and recovering. The GVHD is improving and this time next week we’ll be back in Kentucky, Lord willing. In fact, I’m doing so well that I might soon start back to work part-time. Why has God chosen to heal me but not others? Did I deserve it more? [No]. For those who are believers, doesn’t God promise to work out all things for good? [Yes].

What’s in a Word?

To steal some syntax from Tricky Bill Clinton, it depends on what the meaning of the word “good” is. Or more precisely, our paradigm of what is “good”. If by “good” we mean a long life and prosperity as the ultimate goal, then our paradigm is a short-sighted and selfish one with ourselves at the center. If by “good” we mean being the recipient of His promises and fulfilling our role in the advancement of His Kingdom, then we are thinking eternally and rightfully focusing on our Creator, not our own well being.

Life stopped being “fair” with the introduction of grace. If we all truly got what we deserve, then it would surely be death and not salvation, as we are all—you, me, and the next guy—sinners and worthy of only God’s wrath. But because of grace, because of Jesus’s undeserved punishment that he took for us, we are the beneficiaries of the unfairness of life.

So, why has God chosen to heal me and not others? Frankly, I don’t know, but I can tell you what are not reasons: my goodness, my efforts, my abilities, this blog, my IQ (or lack thereof), my accomplishments, my anything. It’s also not because of their lack of faith, their sin, their anything. I know only that His ways are higher than my ways (Isaiah 55:9) and I am in this situation so that His works might be displayed in me (John 9:3). I don’t need to have “Why Me?” answered from either perspective. I need only to be grateful, persevere in faith, and know that God holds true to his promises. Life isn’t fair, but God is gracious.