I have always been a planner. I first learned this in the Boy Scouts, whose motto is “Be Prepared.” I was fully immersed in the Scouts during my entire adolescence, so I had several years of planning for hiking and camping trips, completing merit badge requirements, and ultimately my Eagle Scout project.
A career in the military has instilled into my very core the necessity to plan ahead. I’ve heard or said “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail” and “prior, proper planning prevents poor performance” a thousand times. I’ve completed the year-long Advanced Operations Course, which is all about planning military operations, and led a battalion staff. This is as much a part of me as Tennessee football and coffee.
So, like any good Eagle Scout or Soldier, I had a plan for when I returned from Houston a couple weeks ago. I’m specifically talking about returning to work. I was going to pick up my computer the week after I returned and then start part time this week.
Instead of working, I’ve spent this week in bed or on the couch. Other than going to the hospital for labs and a CT scan, I’ve barely been on my feet. I developed a headache on Sunday evening that worsened overnight and was soon joined by nausea and vomiting. I’ve had little appetite and not much interaction with my kids. Pain medication has helped, but limits my ability to drive.
The headaches have gotten less intense and the nausea and vomiting are gone, thankfully. I’ve had a CT scan and several blood tests, all of which have been negative. This could be a migraine caused by a number of things, or, worst case, could signify the return of leukemia in my central nervous system. If the headache gets worse over the weekend then I’ll have a lumbar puncture early next week.
This is obviously frustrating. And not only to me, but also Christi, who is yet again bearing the brunt of caring for our family. (Have I ever told you how great she is?) Frankly, nothing about our experience with leukemia has went as planned.
If any thing, this is a good reminder of whom we should place our trust in. Planning is a good thing. It’s prudent, even Biblical. Proverbs contains much about the wisdom of planning. But, planning doesn’t replace God’s sovereignty. As much as I’d like to be at work, I know that, somehow, maybe even in a way that I cannot see, good will come from this.
We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. (Proverbs 16:9 NLT)
Sir, I continue to pray for your full healing! If you or Christi need anything please call. You are an amazing person who always ask about how everyone is or that you are praying for us while dealing with your illness. God has let you touch a lot of hearts and souls through your blog. So many of us are blessed to call you a friend.
Thanks you, Brian. I really appreciate that, sincerely. The best thing about being in the battalion so long are the friends I’ve made like you. Swing by HRO sometime if you’re in the area. Still praying for you.