The roller coaster ride continues. We thought that it was coming to an end, but instead of stopping we’re going around for another loop.
The Results are In
I received the results of last week’s bone marrow biopsy on Friday. They were mixed. Most importantly, the leukemia is still in remission. Praise God! I had two percent blasts (immature white blood cells) in my marrow; anything less than 5% is considered normal. There are no indications that the cancer has relapsed.
Unfortunately, I also tested positive for the FLT3 genetic mutation that was causing the leukemia. This was very disappointing and means that there is an increased chance for relapse. This test is very sensitive and can detect one cancer cell out of 100,000 normal ones. The amount of FLT3 cells found was very, very small and is less than the amount I had prior to the transplant. These cells survived the intensive chemotherapy before the transplant and pose a significant threat if not eradicated.
I have re-started the drug, Sorafenib, which specifically targets the FLT3 mutation in hopes of preventing the FLT3-positive cells from restarting the leukemia. Problem is, this drug might worsen my GVHD, which is mostly better. Research has shown that about 2/3 of patients taking Sorafenib will become FLT3 negative.
I have also stopped photopheresis in order to allow my new immune system to become stronger in hopes of killing off the FLT3-positive cells. So, what we have now is the precarious balancing act of simultaneously managing the GVHD and the leukemia, not letting either get out of control.
The Sky Isn’t Falling
It’s probably good that I didn’t write this post on Friday after we learned the news. The tone would likely have been akin to “the sky is falling.” I was frustrated, disappointed, and even a little angry. I wondered briefly what I had done wrong. Should I have prayed more? Sinned less? Do I even really believe? Of course, I know that nothing I did or didn’t do caused these results. As humans, we seek a personal cause-and-effect relationship; there is none here.
Can we boast, then, that we have done anything to be accepted by God? No, because our acquittal is not based on obeying the law. It is based on faith. So we are made right with God through faith and not by obeying the law. (Romans 3:27-28 NLT)
After a meeting with my transplant doctor and the passage of time, we have a more measured outlook on the situation:
- I’m still in remission. The cancer has not returned and there is nothing to say that it will (or won’t).
- I could name several people who would trade places with me in an instant. The sky isn’t falling in my world. I continue to recover and feel generally well. Plus, we might still be able to go home in mid-May.
- Nothing about this changes God’s plan. He knew this would happen before it did. Even if I was surprised, He wasn’t. Neither was my doctor, as it turns out.
The Right Kind of Guarantee
I want a guarantee. I want something or someone “lock-solid” to say that the leukemia won’t return. But, this isn’t possible. Even my doctor cannot tell me with any certainty what will or will not happen. The reality is that, cancer or not, none of us have any guarantee of tomorrow, or even five minutes from now. We act as if we do—I did—but this is only a false reassurance that often blinds us to the reality of our circumstances.
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| By Alyson Hurt from Alexandria, Va., USA (Flickr) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons |
What I want is a guarantee. What I have instead is faith. If I am not depending on God every day, then I am depending on myself, and it’s starkly evident that my power is insufficient. This cancer is proof of that. The only guarantee I have comes in Christ. He does not guarantee a trouble-free life, but he does guarantee eternity.
Sir,
We still add you and your family to our prayers daily. You still continue to amaze both my husband and me. I have always known you were stronge and had a great outlook on life but I never realized how deep that outlook went. Your faith and beliefs are in every word you write. Stay strong (no doubt you will). Chief Cunningham
Thanks, Chief. Hope to be back at work and see you soon!