If I had been given the chance to write my own leukemia story, I don’t think I could have scripted a better narrative about the three weeks since the transplant. I might have stretched a little and wrote a story of miraculous healing, but apart from that I don’t think I or anyone else could have imagined that I would be doing so well.
Not only did I get out of the hospital a week early, but after being told I would need daily check ups for two weeks following discharge, I only had them for seven days before my doctor gave me a couple days off. At my checkup yesterday, my white blood cell count was 7.4, which is normal, and my platelets were 131,000, only 9,000 shy of being in the normal range. They haven’t been this high since probably 2005 or 2006. I’m doing so well that my doctor gave me off Friday through Sunday.
I am feeling well most of the time other than battling fatigue and being cold. My twenty-pound weight loss has left little in the way of body insulation, so I stay clothed in fleece and wrapped up in a blanket even though everyone else in the apartment is warm. I am only slightly ashamed to say that I had to get Christi to open a jar for me the other day. Oddly enough, my nose hair and eye lashes fell out from the chemotherapy, so my nose constantly runs and I wake up with my eyelids stuck together. The immunosuppressing drugs I take to prevent graft-versus-host disease (GVHD) cause frequent dull headaches. I am showing just the slightest indication of GVHD on my torso, back, and palms, but nothing significant. I still don’t sleep well either, but in total these ailments don’t amount to much and certainly aren’t worth complaining about.
I really don’t like being idle. Incessant TV watching is not for me, so I am reading a couple of books and try to do some studying for the job I’ll have when I return to work. I spend a lot of time watching the girls, which is a blessing. Emmy and I have picked up right where we left off. Abrie is a little firecracker who loves her momma and sometimes lets me hold her.
So, with all the positive results so far and blessed family time I am certainly optimistic, but only cautiously so. I’ll have a bone marrow biopsy and a lumbar puncture a week from today. This will give us the first real indication of whether or not the leukemia is completely gone. I am excited about getting the results since I’ve been doing so well. At the same time, I am also very hesitant. Because, of course, what if they’re bad?
I feel like I’m hedging my bets with God. My family and I believe that He has promised to heal me, but what if we’re wrong? We have received so much bad news before the transplant: two relapses, leukemia in my central nervous system plus a relapse after we though it was gone, Sweet’s Syndrome, the allergic reaction from radiation, etc., that I think we have become conditioned to expect it. Since coming back after the New Year, every test and procedure has gone exceptionally well, but is the next train about to come through the tunnel to run over our hopes and dreams yet again?
But then I stop and ask myself, “Is this the character of God?” He doesn’t involve us in some cosmic game of Russian Roulette designed make us constantly question our faith and His goodness. He isn’t fickle and takes no delight in our suffering. In fact, it’s just the opposite. His blessings do not have any sorrow attached (Prov 10:22) and we find refuge and shelter, not anxiety, in Him (Psalm 91:1-4).
This doesn’t sound like a god who will gain pleasure from jerking the proverbial rug from underneath my feet. Instead, this is One who sent His son so that you and I may have life, and have it to the full. So, the better choice is to be not cautious in my optimism or in living fully for Him. He wants all of me, optimism included.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10 NIV)
This is such a testimony and Blessing from God. Oh, How God has blessed you with words and they touch those that read them. Prayin for a complete recovery.
Thank you so much for those encouraging words.
Jeff I am proud of you. I know these words dont even do your struggle justice but I can tell you are closer to God than ever. Stay strong my brother. All those two hand touch football games in the yard have made you a warrior and you will win this war because you’re on the winning side. God bless u bro and may He keep you and use in all ways for His glory.
Is the Travis Williams I went to school with in Ewing
its me bro. just looked you up on google for the heck of it and read your story. i am here if you ever need a friend to talk to or just to listen. i am proud of you for keeping your head up and those two little girls are learning a lot from you doing that too. i have 2 girls myself and they are awesome little blessings. you and me are like family in my book as much as we hung out in school.
I was hoping so! I’ve occasionally tried to look you up several times over the years. If you’re willing, send me an email at cafejefe@hotmail.com. I would love to catch up with you more.
Wow, Jeff! I stumbled across your blog when someone shared it on facebook. I’m amazed at the work and transformation God is doing in your life. Your testimony here is incredible. I will be praying for you and your family. Steph (Sutphin)
Thank you, Steph! So good to hear from you. I sincerely appreciate your prayers. God is good and continues to sustain me though this trial.