Have you ever been really afraid? I don’t mean startled or jittery after watching a scary movie. I mean have you ever experienced bone-chilling, gut-wrenching fear? I have. Like the time I was in a Humvee driving down a road in Iraq that was known for IEDs, right after we had been shot at by an invisible enemy. And another time after my patrol was leaving an area following a firefight and we had to walk, exposed, across an open field. Back at home, there was the time that Abrie wouldn’t gain weight – and in fact was losing it – when she was a newborn. More recently, there was the day before I was to be admitted for the transplant when I learned the cancer had relapsed a second time and my medical odds for survival had plummeted.
Every person, whether they will admit it or not, has struggled with fear at some point in their lives. Maybe it was just for a short time, as was the case with the examples above, or maybe it’s a lifestyle of fear, where every unknown situation confines us to inaction and lack of trust. Fear is a natural response; it can even be lifesaving, propelling us into necessary action. But, to live in fear constantly, well, that simply is not the way we were created.
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline (2 Tim 1:7 NLT)
Despite my knowledge of this Scripture, fear can still creep in. A blood count that’s a little worse than the last time can lead me down the road of thinking that I’ve already relapsed again, despite all other evidence to the contrary. Hearing an anecdotal story of another cancer patient who died can evoke thoughts of a shared fate, although another person’s outcome has nothing to do with mine. Knowing of children who have lost their father at a young age can bring crushing thoughts of my own children growing up without me.
Like other tempting thoughts that enter our minds, the key here is not to let fear take root. This fear does not come from God…it is from the enemy. God did not give us a spirit of fear. He gave us a spirit of power, and from this power we can derive the courage to deal with whatever situation we are facing.
See, courage isn’t the absenceof fear; courage is acting in spite ofthe fear. Courage is about doing the right thing in the midst of adversity, no matter the consequences. Courage is trusting what you know to be true, not what the enemy tells you, and then acting accordingly. We all have this in us. It’s how we were created.
Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. And do everything with love (1 Cor. 6:13-14 NLT)
I’m not sure if I’m brave or really have courage in the midst of this sickness. Sometimes I think anyone in a similar situation would act the same way. I feel as if I’m just doing what I have to do, what anyone else would do to survive. Whether that’s true or not really doesn’t matter. What does matter is that how I live is a manifestation of what I believe about God.
When the disciples saw Jesus walking on the water, in the midst of a storm, they were terrified. “But Jesus spoke to them at once. ‘Don’t be afraid,’ he said. ‘Take courage. I am here!’” (Matt 14:27 NLT).
He is still here. He lives in me. His presence is enough to trump our fear and give us courage. We can courageously live in this temporary body by trusting our Savior, who died for our transgressions and to take our sickness because of a love greater than we could ever imagine. He feels our pain, our weakness, our fear, but He has already overcome these so that we don’t have to.
My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me (Gal 2:20 NLT).
Jeff, thanks for your honesty and the purity of your heart. Your messages are all very thoughtful, real, and full of glory, and yes, fear. I love you, brother. I continue to pray for you and your family.