Oh, Me of Little Faith

A desperate father brought his demon-possessed son to Jesus to be healed.  His son would have violent convulsions while the evil spirit tried to kill him.  The disciples tried to cast out the demon but could not.  I can’t imagine what it must have been like to watch your child being harmed liked this.  The father pleaded for Jesus to help:

     “Have mercy on us and help us, if you can.” “What do you mean, ‘If I can’?”  Jesus asked.  “Anything is possible if a person believes.” The father instantly cried out, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9:22b-24 NLT)

I’m like the father here…

Help me, Jesus…if you can.  I believe in your power…but sometimes I act like I don’t.

Faith…do I have it or don’t I? Do I believe the promises of God, that he will be with us, even to the end of the age, or do I just think it’s a nice sentiment that looks good on a bracelet or coffee mug?

I sat in my hospital room on Friday, the day before I was supposed to come home, in despair.  I had just registered a temperature of over 99 degrees and was chilling, telltale signs of the brewing infection that would keep me in the hospital.  We asked people to pray that it would not get any worse.  The next reading was normal but the one after that was over 99 again.  I just knew it: I was not going to be able to go home and would instead be stuck in the hospital another week or longer.  Would I ever get to leave this place?  Why is God letting this happen? By the time Friday night was over I was resigned to my fate and praying that God would help me deal with it.

It’s now Tuesday and I have been home since Saturday late afternoon.  I’ve had no sign of a fever since the last reading I mentioned and have felt generally well.  I have been blessed by spending much time with my wife and daughters and simply enjoying being home.  My blood counts are still low, so the bone marrow biopsy scheduled for Wednesday was postponed another week.  Other than that, it’s been a perfect three days.

There is an old Caedmon’s Call song titled “Table for Two.”  It’s a little cheesy, which is probably why I like it.  There is a line in the song that goes like this:

            “Given a chance and a rock, see which one breaks a window.  And see which one keeps me up all night and into the day.”

Why do we do that?  Why do we let a chance, a possibility, of something happening take control of our thoughts and emotions so easily, and ignore something solid, something definite, that has real power?  (Didn’t I blog about this already?) Why do I let my heart sink and my mind immediately race to the worst-case scenario and what I can do to fix it (hint: nothing)?  Why don’t I automatically cry out to God asking Him to move?

I’m not sure why.  Maybe it’s lack of faith.  Maybe it’s simply human nature.  Maybe it’s the enemy sneaking in negative thoughts. 

Almost always after a little time passes, I am able to regain some perspective.  I remind myself of what I know – and I really do know – to be true: God loves me and His promises are true and will come to fruition.   I remind myself that the “chance” of something bad happening is not more powerful than my Rock.  It seems some days as if I am relearning lessons like this one, but I also know that faith is not a one-time decision. Sometimes, it’s daily, hourly, or even by the minute.  The important thing to remember is that regardless of how we feel at the moment, the Truth never changes.   When I remember that and realign my thinking, then I regain the confidence that comes from He who keeps his promises.

“Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen. It gives us assurance about things we cannot see.” (Hebrews 11:1 NLT)