But by the Grace of God

By late May 2006, I was exhausted.  So were the other hundred-plus men of DANGER Company, 1st Battalion, 149th Infantry.  We were patrolling the outlying areas of Ramadi with the Iraqi Army everyday.  By then, the afternoon temperatures were well over a hundred and the combat gear we wore never seemed to get any lighter. 

In a counterinsurgency, the key to success is the support of the local population.  We had to convince them to support us rather than the Sunni insurgency. So our patrols always consisted of stopping by several houses and talking to the inhabitants.  We tried to gain information about the enemy and at the same time win the people’s trust. 

I don’t know how much you know about Arab culture, but it’s difficult to navigate.  “Yes” doesn’t always mean “yes” and respect is much more important than truth.  So, it was often very difficult and frustrating for my Soldiers and me to interact with the locals.  In fact, by the end of May, I had developed a disdain for the Iraqi people in general.  It was becoming more and more difficult to see them as human beings and treat them with respect.  This is a dangerous attitude for a leader to have.  Then, one day I had an epiphany:

But for the grace of God, that would be me.

Really, it was only by the loving Grace of my Creator that I was born who I am.  It was only by his grace that I was born an American, the son of my parents, on November 13, 1976.  I did nothing to earn it.  So my contempt for these people whom I can’t understand is essentially saying that “I’m better than you.”  The truth is that they didn’t choose to be born Iraqi, Arab Muslims any more than I chose to be born in the Judeo-Christian United States of America.  The rest of the truth is that God created them, too, and who am I to loathe his creation?

As I sat in my hospital room this morning on Independence Day, watching the rain fall, I was again thankful to have been born an American of my generation.  Think about it: if I had been born in any one of numerous third world countries, or even in America a hundred years ago, I would not have access to medical treatment for this disease.  I didn’t earn this.  But by his Grace I have received it.  If I had received what I really did earn as a young man, I would certainly not have my wife and daughters.  But by His grace, He blessed us with each other.

The last week has been filled with highs and lows.  I had a fever of 103 degrees on Monday, July 1st, and stayed in bed most of the day.  By the next morning, I was mostly better and have felt good but not great ever since.  Rumor is that I might be able to go home on Saturday, as long as I don’t get another fever or have other setbacks before then.  I’ll have the next bone marrow biopsy probably next Wednesday.  This is the big one that will tell us that the cancer is in remission.

As hard as this is, with fevers and setbacks and missing my family something awful, but by the Grace of God it could be so much worse.  We have hope for a cure.  We have hope for a “normal” life again.  We have hope that good will come of this.  Most importantly, we have the hope that comes from knowing Jesus Christ.  What’s more, all this was given to us by the Grace of the Creator who knit us together in our mothers’ wombs, knowing exactly what He had planned for us. 

Grace is a wonderful thing.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV)