Ode to the Troll

There is a small troll living inside my gastrointestinal system.  He is an agent of Chemo, a mercenary hired to do the drugs’ bidding.  I admire the troll’s perseverance yet I strongly dislike him.  He is constantly at work causing general mischief.  I realize that he is only doing his duty, yet I wish he would take a vacation or move on to someone else’s transverse colon.  He doesn’t respond to my pleas for mercy but does seem to favor the small brown oval pills I send him a few times a day as a peace offering. 

I’m sure that the troll is ex-military since he never leaves his post, even at night, and makes grunting sounds that resemble the detonation of a Claymore mine.  The troll is also very unpredictable in his work, not following patterns, which suggests to me that he is a professional intent on inflicting maximum physical, emotional, and olfactory discomfort.  The troll is not my friend yet he is my constant companion. 

“Dear Troll, you have proven your mettle. Well done.  Let your job be finished here and move on.  You will not be missed.  No, your departure will be celebrated.  Yet, this is the way it is with trolls and men.  There can be no peace between us.  Be gone now.”

Other than the troll, I’ve felt mostly OK over the weekend.  It was a blessing to see my family several times.  My blood counts are very low (i.e. no immune system again), but there continues to be no sign of cancer cells either.  This is the important thing.  I am scheduled for another lumbar puncture this week, but after this one they will be monthly rather than weekly.  Thirteen to go.  I’ve lost close to fifteen pounds since this all started.  I weigh about what I did as a junior in high school, but thankfully my appetite is getting a little better.  The chemotherapy is also affecting my vision, but all this is temporary.  In the meantime, we continue to wait for my body to recover and pray that the cancer is in remission.

It seems a little disingenuous to try to tie in Scripture or a Biblical principle to the saga of the troll.  I will, however, make these two points: 1) a sense of humor is important to recovery and 2) this whole thing really stinks (pun intended).  There is no sense in pretending that God’s people don’t experience the full extent of suffering in this world.  We hurt, bleed, and cry like everyone else.  Our suffering does not come in a nice, pre-packaged box decorated with roses.  It’s messy.  The difference, however, is hope.  Real hope.  We have hope that is based in something true and tangible – God’s Word.  I hate this darn troll but I have hope that one day soon he’ll be gone, I’ll be out of the hospital, and this whole experience will be months, years, or decades behind us. I know that if I can persevere, with God’s strength, then my character will be improved for His sake.  I have hope that, no matter what happens, God wins and I get to be with Him (and the troll doesn’t).

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope.” Romans 5:3-4 NIV.