Hurry Up and Wait

I haven’t been bored in probably twenty years.  I always have a book to read or a project to do if I have free time (free time: a concept only slightly less mythical than a unicorn).  What I have done much of in my adult life is wait.  Most of this waiting is courtesy of the Army.  I’ve spent hours and even days waiting for flights to and from the Middle East, waiting for a mission to start, waiting for an order, or sometimes, it seemed, waiting for the sake of waiting.

Usually this waiting comes after a frenzy of preparation for whatever is coming next.  Anyone who has served in the military more than ten minutes has heard the expression “hurry up and wait.”  It’s a necessary one – we must be thoroughly prepared for the mission or any likely contingency before it happens.  Sometimes this preparation concludes right before the mission begins and other times it leads us to a state of readiness during which we wait for what may or may not happen.

And so I find myself hurrying to wait again.  I was admitted to the hospital this time in a hurry when my blood tests on June 11 indicated that the cancer was not in remission (I don’t like to call it “my cancer;” I don’t want any claim on that junk).  We hurried through nine days of chemotherapy that concluded last evening about midnight, thankfully.  Now follows a period of waiting for the drugs to continue to kill the cancer and at the same time wreak havoc on my body.  This period will see my white blood cells, red blood cells, and platelets continue to decrease, and along with it how I generally feel, but all is a necessary price to get better.  It will be at least another two weeks, and maybe closer to three, before I can go home again.

We also learned yesterday that my brother is not a match to donate stem cells for my transplant.  It was only a 25% chance to start with.  My transplant coordinator tells me that I have an excellent chance to find a 10 for 10 match based on my DNA typing.  (Note: Many have offered to be tested for me.   I really appreciate that, but the process takes too long.   You can always still register to help someone else if you choose.).  Great news, of course, but we’re looking at 4-6 weeks minimum to start the transplant.  In the meantime, we wait.  We wait for the cancer to go into remission and stay there.  We wait for the donor to be identified, get medical tests, and then actually donate the stem cells.  We then wait for the stem cells to be escorted to the hospital from where ever in the world the donor lives, just like in the movies.  Then, after the transplant, we’ll wait to see if my body accepts the new immune system.  And then, we’ll wait….

I wonder what Abraham would say to me right now?  Probably something like, “Dude, suck it up.  I waited 25 years, until I was age 100, for my son Isaac.  You only have to wait a few months.”  Or Paul might remind me of his imprisonment, shipwrecks, stoning, and general persecution while I get to recover on a couch, see my family, watch Netflix, and not have anyone throw rocks at me.  Moses might simply raise his eyebrow and say, “Really?”

Waiting is not easy. I’m not pretending to be good at it.  It certainly stresses our faith, regardless of how strongly we believe something. But, in the course of waiting, it’s important what we fix our thoughts on.  We need an anchor.  “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” (Colossians 3:1-2, NIV).  Without a solid anchor, my thoughts can run rampant and lose focus.  Negative and unedifying thoughts from the enemy can infiltrate and wreak more havoc than the chemotherapy.  Rather, by anchoring our thoughts on the truth we can retain hope and encouragement in the promises of God.  They are worth the wait.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”  (Philippians 4:8 NIV)