I’ve survived three nights in the hospital so far. Sleep has been somewhat elusive, interrupted by the very competent and well-meaning nurses checking my vitals and drawing blood, as well as my wondering mind. I’m still feeling very good, by the grace of God. I’ve also been blessed with a steady stream of loving family and friends visiting me. I’ve even been able to do some physical training (OK, walking somewhat briskly around the floor) each day.
So I guess this is the new normal, at least for while. The negatives are very obvious and don’t need repeating, except that the coffee is entirely subpar (thank you to my thoughtful wife for the Starbucks Vias and Robbie Andersen for bringing me a coffee pot today.) The positives are many: the staff has been very nice and competent. Many people have shown their love for me and our family. This experience has strengthened our marriage already. I have a lot of time now, ironically, so I can read and write. At the same time, I’m realistic in knowing that as the chemo progresses, I might feel worse and worse, so I need to manage expectations of what I can do.
Why me?
I’ve asked that question a few times but it never gains traction. Why NOT me? Maybe that’s a better question. Why shouldn’t God in all his sovereignty choose to use this situation to bring him glory? Make no mistake: this disease did NOT come from God. We live in a fallen world where evil exists and therefore we will have pain and suffering. Jesus tells us so in John 16:33. But what the enemy intended for evil God will use for good. I may be singing a different note when my hair is falling out and I feel like puking all the time…but what an opportunity this is to glorify God with the actions and words of my family and me!
We can choose to be bitter and blame God, or we can choose to believe that he is working this for good (Romans 8:28) and take joy in knowing we can be part of that. There is depression and condemnation in the former, but hope, joy, and encouragement in the latter.
Question for you: What difficult circumstance is God using in your life to bring him Glory, and are you willing to let him?
Keep fighting!!! You have a very positive attitude. If we all only had that kind of faith. Your battle will be an inspiration for all of us. I have no doubt that you and our Lord have the upperhand. Prayers.
Thanks, Julianne. I appreciate the prayers.
Rose and I are planning to come visit you, so shocked to hear this diagnosis, but also very hopeful that everything will end well, meaning complete healing and health for you. You are a highly favored son, so Dad will take care of you.
Warren
Yes He will!
I had no idea! But I admire your attitude and only hope I would have one half as good. Tell Christi to let me know if she needs ANYTHING!
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